saturday

fell asleep early last night, so i didn't get to update. don't really have much to say...i'm still tired.

goal: 500

1/2 bagel thin: 55

1 tsp apricot spread-10

5 fat free pringles-23

1 sugar free ice cream popsicle-100

total: 188

mom's chili doesn't count

my mom made chili last night. her chili is the beeeest! so i decided to let myself have a bit of a free day and i had a small tumbler glass full of her chili. and i'm not going to purge it. i don't see it as a binge really, because it was a very small amount. don't get me wrong, it can't happen everyday, but i felt like i could let go a tiny bit JUST FOR TODAY. she only makes her chili once or twice a year, so i just had to have a tiny bit. plus, it made me physically feel better. i've felt sooo weak today. so many times today, i thought i was going to pass out. a few times in the shower...and how unflattering would that be?? lol. but now that i've had some of the chili(which had meat in it), i feel so much better. it wouldn't do me any good to pass out and raise attention to my eating habits. so....i feel okay about it. of course, there is that tiny bit of guilt but not enough this time to make me purge. so i'm happy about that. i've decided i just won't count the chili. lol. it was a very small amount, and i'll work it off tomorrow, so it doesn't count and i'll let it slide. i'm not including it in today's calorie report.

goal: 400

100 cal nabisco snack: 100

3 pickles-0

1/2 lean cuisine frozen entree-105

1 fat free pudding cup-80

total: 285

update for yesterday

my internet was being mean to me last night, so here's yesterday's report. i didn't end up fasting. but i still stayed under my 300 calorie limit. AND my mom and i went grocery shopping last night finally, so i was able to get lots of really good low calorie food. i'm excited about that. now, when i'm having cravings and want to binge, i can just get a low cal food and be alright. it will stop me from binging and feeling guilty afterwards. so that's good! :D

goal: 300

1 cup cereal: 120

8 oz milk: 120

5 low fat pringles: 23.3

1 pickle: 0

total: 263.3

today's goal is 400 and so far i've only had a few pickles and a 100 calorie nabisco snack. and i've got the other calories planned exactly for the rest of the day. so today will be a breeze. i'll update on it later tonight.

tomorrow will be better

i've fucking failed today. at everything. i was supposed to stay under 200 calories. i was supposed to get job applications. i've done neither. i feel like such a failure. i was doing so great on not eating much. i only had a fruit cup and half an orange. then i binged on mac and cheese mashed potatoes with cheese and bacon bits and a full huge glass of milk. i tried to throw it all up, but i know i didn't get all of it out. i want to work it off, but i just don't have the energy. even sitting up and typing this, i feel so weak. so i've got nothing to do but sit here and feel fat and sad. and this just sucks. i am such a fucking failure!! i'm not going to eat anything tomorrow! i don't deserve any more food. i can't stand feeling like this. god why did i do that??? i'm so fucking stupid.

goal: 200

fruit cup: 70

1/2 orange: 32.5

total: who fucking knows!!



bit of a late post

it's almost 6:30, so i won't say "today", but here's the update for january 18th.

i slept all day so i didn't eat anything. which was great cuz i felt like i reeeally should get up to 100 calories but i'm glad i didn't. and it paid off cuz i'm at 156 now! yay. getting there.

goal: 100 calories

nothing-0 calories

total: 0 calories

ready for today to be over

wow, today has just been awful. found out that that the guy i've been seeing's mom doesn't want me over there anymore so that's wonderful. his house is the only place we hang out. and i guess we could go places but i know we won't. it's just not how it goes with us. we chill at his house or his friend's house but inevitably we go back to his house. and now i can't do that. i can't spend the night with him and cuddle with him anymore. and that makes me really sad. :( it's not a serious thing we've got going, but i'm still really going to miss cuddling with him. so as far as i'm concerned....it's quickly about to be over. hmmmmm :(

i also got some pretty stressful news today. not going into that really, but it's also majorly contributed to today being an all around shitty day.

however, there was one good thing about today. i was waaayyy under my calorie goal for day 4 of the abc diet. i ate two things and just haven't since. i've been extremely tired and when that happens, it kills my appetite. my stomach has been growling but i've had no appetite. so that's good.

CALORIE GOAL: 400

1 serving of boxmade jello-80

1 pickle-0

TOTAL:80

was bored and just took some updated pics. not sure if they show any difference but what the heck..why not? here they are...

EW!



zero :)

It's like 2am, but I'll go ahead and update for day 3. I slept all day so I took in 0 calories. Yay :) Oh! I'm at 159 now!!

GOAL:300

NOTHING

TOTAL: 0